Protecting your children from abuse is one of the greatest concerns of parents all over the world. Children, especially small ones, tend to be innocent and, therefore, more vulnerable to the different types of abuse, once many of them can’t really understand what’s going on.
Being a parent is more than only providing our children with everything they need to grow strong and healthy, such as food, shelter, vaccines, and love.
Being a parent is also preparing our kids to face the world and live in society, but how to prepare them to recognize and keep themselves safe against abusive people?
In this article, we brought the most important things to consider as parents when it comes to keeping your child safe, as well as some ideas of how talking to them, signs of abuse, greatest risks, internet safety, and more.
Table of Contents
What Can Be Considered Abuse?
We consider abusing everything that harms the child in physical and/or mental ways or threatens their safety and integrity. It can both be caused by a parent, caregivers, family that is responsible for the child, a total stranger, or even other children and teenagers.
There are different types of abuse and also child neglect, which is also considered a type of abuse once it brings both mental and physical harm, as well as compromises the life of the child.
It’s important to say that is a general explanation for the abused concept, and each estate will have their own laws and definitions regarding that matter, so if you need deeper information about it, it may be a good idea to take a look at the legislation with the help of a lawyer or competent authorities.
Basic Information: Types of Abuse
When we say the word “abuse,” the first thing that pops in mind is sexual abuse, mostly because we tend to think about the worst-case scenario, the one we fear most.
However, child abuse has many faces, and other types of abuse can be extremely harmful and leave marks for a person’s whole life, turning them into a traumatized and sometimes violent adult.
That’s why it is so important to be attentive to the signs of each type of abuse that can be inflicted on your child and always make them feel safe and welcome to talk about it without the fear of judgment.
Remember: Abused children and teenagers (adults as well) tend to feel guilty about the violence they’ve suffered, and that’s why most of them hide and don’t talk about it!
Physical Abuse
This occurs when the child suffers intentional physical harm usually caused by a parent, sibling, caretakers, or responsible adult that usually seeks to punish the child by using unreasonable force or a punishing that is too much for the kid.
There are diverse cultural particularities, and some can even argue that physical punishment is a valid way of educating and disciplining your child. However, recent studies show that children who are “educated” by physical punishments tend to be violent adults, making this child a person more prone to hurt and abuse others.
Another fundamental thing to consider is that children are completely capable of understanding and reasoning with adults, but as every human being, they’ll have their limitations according to age and brain development.
This means that you should look for a neuro-compatible way of disciplining your child, once children of certain ages can’t really understand concepts such as “right x wrong” and “share,” they only react based on their parents’ reactions to their actions.
Children most affected by physical abuse are usually rated between 12 and 17 years old, probably due to the normal conflicts that happen between caregivers and teenagers.
Examples of physical abuse are: bruises, torture, broken bones, burns, and abrasions, etc.
Children who have parents or caregivers that are under the effect of alcohol and drugs are more prone to suffer from physical and other types of abuse.
Emotional Abuse
The hardest form of abuse to be perceived, but the most commonly found in most families, emotional abuse can leave scars for a person’s whole life and, in most severe cases, cause eating, sleeping, and speech-disorders.
In normal cases, emotional abuse will result in a lack of self-esteem, aggressive behavior, or even a meek child that is constantly abused and bullied by others.
This kind of abuse is made with words and actions and doesn’t leave visible bruises. Emotional abuse is usually perceived as strictness and concern, but it doesn’t change what it really is.
Examples of common emotional child abuse are: being constantly yelled at, blamed for things, rejected, ridiculed, and punished for no reason.
Having non-realistic expectations about your children can also be abusive, like expecting high-grades, sports performance, contests, and even hoping that they follow a certain career.
It’s normal for parents to have expectations over their children, but we must always be careful, so it won’t result in unintentional emotional abuse.
Sexual Abuse by Adults
Sexual abuse is every form of the inappropriate dynamic between the child and the molester, usually a known adult or another child, most times an older one.
Researches show that around 65% of the abused children of the country suffer from sexual abuse, and from all these children, most of them were abused by their own parents (78%) or other relatives.
We consider sexual abuse: contacts for sexual purposes, molestation, statutory rape, prostitution, pornography, exposure of the child or to the child, incest, touching, and other activities. Even forcing a child to sit on the person’s lap can be considered sexual abuse, depending on the intention behind it.
Most times, the abuser will be a known male, someone the child or their parents trust to care for them, even knowing sexual abuse can happen at any moment of a person’s life, statistics show that boys are more vulnerable to abuse at ages between 4 and 8 years old and girls between 12 and fifteen when they start developing their bodies.
It’s also essential to the point that abused children tend not to talk about the abuse they’ve suffered once the abuser tells them to keep it a secret between them. More than that, victims of sexual abuse tend to feel guilty about their situation, especially when they’re young and don’t really understand what they went through.
Sexual abuse will most likely come from a known person, someone both kids and parents trust, someone related to the kid, or maybe even a family friend. That’s why it is absolutely essential to teach your child about boundaries, consent, and their body. This alone will help your child to protect themselves from abuse.
Sexual Abuse by Other Kids
Weird as it seems, kids also sexually abuse others. In fact, CAC’s study estimates that one-third of all sexual abuses in the U.S. territory is made by other children.
Most children who abuse others are victims of child abuse and use this as a mechanism to reproduce the power dynamics of abuse, so they don’t feel so powerless and vulnerable.
Those children also need help and to be protected. That’s why it is essential that they get professional help as soon as possible. Children who get early help have more chances to recover and, in some cases, be rescued from their abusive situation.
Children are naturally curious about sexuality and body parts. This is a normal part of their development and is actually a sign of health. However, parents, caregivers, and educators need to be very attentive to their interactions. Sexual interactions are never healthy or normal when: someone is being forced or coerced to engage in these interactions, and also when displaying power dynamics.
Every time parents suspect their child is involved in this kind of situation. They should let their child know they’re worried. The best way is to talk about it, always showing support to the child.
Neglect
Neglect happens when the person responsible for the child, be this person a parent, relative, or caregivers, doesn’t provide the child with their basic needs such as food, shelter, medical care, clothing, education, or supervision.
Notice that if the parents fail to meet these needs due to poverty, it can’t be considered that the child was neglected. Neglect only happens when the responsible adult deliberately withheld the child’s needs.
This may happen for many reasons that go from parents that are overwhelmed with surviving, their own needs, but also due to some kind of condition like Post Partum Depression. Sometimes the child, unfortunately, is a victim of a bad family. In this case, it is always important to pay attention to the signs so the child can be rescued before their life is put in danger.
Signs of Abuse: Recognizing That Something is Wrong
The most certain way to be sure children have been sexually abused is by having them tell you that they were. But pay attention, children often do not tell about their abuse, so to help you with that, here’s a list of the most common signs:
- Not wanting or refusing to go to a certain place, activity, or having contact with a determined person for no apparent reason.
- Giving excuses not to be around a relative, friend, teacher, or caregiver like “I don’t like him anymore.”
- Adult behavior such as seducing or acting more sexual
- Using sexual vocabulary and behaving in a more sexual way (this can also be a result of exposition to porn and adult content in movies, series, etc.)
- Irritation or bruises in general areas (vagina and anus)
The following indicators are common signs that children are going through a hard time and need attention and help. They can mean the child has been sexually abused, but also that they’re going through a depression or eating disorder. Nevertheless, it’s fundamental to be there for the child and show support to whatever matter they’re going through.
- Self-destructive behavior such as abusing drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes, self-harming, running away, attempting suicide
- Lack of concern over their sexual behavior such as promiscuity and unprotected sex
- Depression, anxiety, crying, lack of eating or overeating
- Behaving like a younger child, thumb sucking, or bed-wetting.
- Skipping school, low grades, bad behavior
Talk About Abuse: The Best Prevention
Talking about this sensitive subject with your child can be something difficult, sometimes even make parents nervous, ashamed, or even fearful that this will make your child curious about or even more vulnerable to harassment.
It’s important to remember that children are pure, and everything we see as taboo, shameful, and improper will be received by them with great abandon, so much that you may even be shocked!
So don’t be afraid or worried that talking and explaining sexuality, body parts, boundaries, and other things that the child may be curious about will bring them harm.
Answer Their Questions
Children are curious by nature, and if you have contact with one, you may know that they always bring the most difficult questions to answer.
One of the questions that put parents between a rock and a hard place most times is “How babies are made?” “How was I born?” and “What is that thing between mommy’s/daddy’s legs?’
Those questions are usually hard to answer because we fear that by giving the wrong explanation, we’ll take away the innocence of our children or even make them more vulnerable and open to get involved in improper situations.
However, the best way to protect your children from abuse is by treating them as individuals capable of understanding the physiological things of life, and they will.
If your child doesn’t know that it’s not okay to touch their intimate parts and touch other people’s parts, what is sexual and that this is not something they should be doing, they won’t know when someone tries to trick them into doing something improper.
And remember, if a child is truly curious about something, they will ask around until someone, be an adult or other child, answers their question, and that’s where the true danger lies.
Keep It Simple
Just because you’ll answer those questions doesn’t mean you have to make it a big deal or something over complicated and full of details. The more simple and straightforward you keep the answers, the more they’ll understand.
More than that, it’s utter relevant to teach your child about the things of life, but it’s also fundamental to adjust your speech to their age.
In Case It Happens: How To Deal With an Abuse Situation
If the worst happens and your child becomes a victim of abuse, your reaction and handling of the situation will be fundamental to how they’ll process and feel about it. The first thing you want is to ensure the child that this is a safe place and that you’ll protect and support them through it, even that they don’t understand
Keeping your cool when facing this talk can be the hardest thing you’ll ever do in your life, but children many times respond to our reactions, so at some point, they’ll probably try to tell you what they think you want to hear, which can lead to a wrong conclusion.
- Don’t panic! Try not to overreact to what your child tells you. It’s possible that they still don’t understand what happened to them.
- Never criticize or tell your child they got it wrong what happened! This is one of the things that makes victims feel guilty and question themselves if the abuse they’ve suffered was real.
- Make your child understand that they’re not responsible for what happened.
- Tell them you appreciate they trust you enough to tell you about it.
- Encourage your child telling the proper authorities what happened, but try to avoid exposing them to situations when they’ll have to talk repeatedly about the abuse situation.
- Look for a proper authority indication about a professional qualified to help your child keep their physical and mental health. Counseling with a qualified professional may be the best option.
Those tips are not a cake recipe, and we understand that keeping calm and paying attention to your words can be something very hard. But remember, the most relevant thing at this moment is to show support for your child, show that you care deeply for what they’ve been through.
One more thing to remember is that this is not your fault as well. Abusers tend to be manipulative and take their time to become a trusted person to the families. They also show responsibility and male you believe they’ll protect your child with you.
Abusers also tend to be in power positions close to the kids, such as teachers and even other kid’s parents, so be careful of people who are always showing interest in your kids and their routine.
Other Sources of Child Abuse Prevention Information
- National Center for Child Abuse and Neglect
- Child Welfare Information Gateway
- National Center for Missing and Exploited Children
- National Children Aliance
- Prevent Child Abuse America
Sources:
Afifi, Tracie & Mota, Natalie & Sareen, Jitender & MacMillan, Harriet. (, 2017). The relationships between harsh physical punishment and child maltreatment in childhood and intimate partner violence in adulthood. BMC Public Health. 17. 10.1186/s12889-017-4359-8.
National annual child abuse statistics cited from the U.S. Administration for Children & Families, Child Maltreatment 2018. https://www.acf.hhs.gov/cb/research-data-technology/statistics-research/child-maltreatment
How to Protect Your Children from Child Abuse: A Parent s Guide (2005) by The Cub Scouts https://www.scouting.org/training/youth-protection/
